And the die was cast. All I'm waiting for right now would be the date of the execution. I mean, the release date of the UPCAT test results. Since I'm part of the first batch to take the UP admission test scheduled early in the morning, I have to drag myself out there before 6:30 in the morning. Fortunately, there wasn't any misgivings of couple of hours lack of sleep for I got up all by myself about 2 hours early. That just indicates how excited I am to take this test. Not that I've prepared for it or anything, I didn't even have a refresher of my geometry course days before. I did cram little snippets of terms from scanning a crash review booklet I received from the review center I enrolled in during the last month of summer. 

Since we set off ahead of time, we didn't encounter any traffic on the way over. I gave my friend Diana a lift because we were designated on the same place anyway. And good thing too because I wouldn't know what to do if I was left alone there together with other faces, students from other schools who are apparently, my peers. I had this perception when I was still an adolescent that there aren't a lot of 13 year olds in the world. Because I don't often see anyone my age then (people I came across with were either too old or too young) I just resorted to thinking that my species (generation) was rare. Hah. Funny thought once you see the number of students desperate to be admitted in the state university. 

So fast forward blah blah blah to the instruction orientation before the exam, it felt all so surreal. And queer too. What I mean is, I literally felt like that was a pivotal moment in my life. Like some sort of stepping stone. It's like I'm there because it's something important. Now I know I didn't study for it, but I don't want to think about that because it just makes me feel restless and depressed that I didn't take it seriously until the actual moment that I'm about to take it. It's sad, to realize that you should have prepared for it, since it won't happen again for the rest for you life. As they say, you only take the upcat ONCE. And that's that. 

For starters, there weren't any hot guys mixed among the examinees. Some looked up to par, but none of them passed my qualifications. Not that I actually expected awesome guys to show up. Although I'll take my hat off to our examiner, at least he looked a bit decent and his voice is just amazing. You wouldn't even notice that he's reading some sort of manual to relay the instructions. As for the test, well its... a test, yeah. After being done with it, I guess it's not really that hard. It's none different from elementary entrance exams, with the exception of the range of topics covered. There's your general science, a bit of biology, quite an unpleasant lot of Chemistry, and a little of your Physics. Nothing less.

Mathematics will always be mathematics, what do you expect? English was all right. Didn't have much trouble there, though I had misgivings for a few items. After answering each subtest, I immediately forgot all about it. I don't even remember any particular questions. It's like once the proctor instructed us to shut our exam questionnaire, a memory charm was cast upon us (Obliviate!) and our minds are totally wiped out of all traces of the previous test. What? So that we won't blab it to others? Pathetic. Anyway, I'm quite doubtful that I'll pass the exam, but I'm still going to pray for it. Because, honestly, UP doesn't seem a bad choice of campus, considering the fact that I immediately fell in love with the greenery and the infrastructures inside the university. Too bad my courses are based on UP Manila. Diliman is pretty decent. 

To all my readers (again, if there are any :), please pray for me, that I pass the examination. I'd really be a great help. So, pictures galore.

Why didn't I see my soulmate out there? I didn't even saw a trace of anyone from school. Maybe because the campus is just so freakin' large?

I hate it. I just hate it. I wish I reviewed for the UPCAT. I was too dumb to realize that indeed, I'm only undergoing this once. I won't have any chance to take it again. And it's rightful to think that you should at least feel satisfied and confident at how well you performed the exam. I just blew it. I'm such a deluded moron. With USTET, I'm definitely going to stand on firm ground by slowly making my way reviewing everything that I've encountered so far in school. I won't regret it, this time around.

Now, I connected the irony, I know, and the first time I saw the sign, it's the first thing that I thought. But let's not put any malice here. :) By this, I absorbed the vastness of the UP Campus. I mean, this is just the cafe and it took like, half a block. I'm seriously addicted to this campus. Move aside, UST!

Oh, nostalgia, why do you have to hurt so much? Why do you have to remind me of the things that I had before and how I happy I was then? Why wrench my heart so harshly?

Now don't we look pretty?

Kay. After an especially stressful week, here I am, hoping that things would turn out for the better. AND IT DOES. I can't express how relieved I am. I feel like I won the lottery, when in reality, nothing really happened that in anyway benefits me. Again, I'm not doing home work? What is it about home work that I just can't face it? Anyway, that's not important. What's important is why I jumped for joy (and almost banged my head on the low ceiling) just a minute ago. 

It's just that this afternoon, I was worrying about my crush's love life. I know, I know, it should keep me busy enough to look after my own matters of the heart, but isn't that just the same? Because TOOT is my crush after all and he is the matter of my heart so it's just right that I worry about him. What happened is my best friend (who I think is not really all for the TOOT thing) told me that she, once again, saw him talking to the stick girl. Oh you know, code names. We just looove code names. It reigns us from randomly calling the other person a bitch.

You understand what I'm trying to say? I don't know with guys, but this applies much more with the ladies; when you pick up something on the radar that your crush likes someone else, you immediately build up antagonistic feelings for that person right? Like, there's just something in the equation that makes the two of you go syntax error. That there's some natural philosophy that states that you're meant to be each other's enemies. All because of the affection of a guy/girl. Life, how I love you and your silly antics.

Platonic Friendship. What the hell is that? Derived from some effing dictionary I found on the net: Platonic Friendship; friendship which keeps its hands to itself and remains that way. Doesn't involve love, whatsoever. Yeah right. NOOOOOO!!! Okay, people, I'm actually aware that I'm freaking out and it not supposed to be a surprise for you when I just drop dead on the street. Nah, I'm kidding. I won't have any life threatening emotional attacks just yet. It's just that while I was thinking about my situation (at times when my mind is so "kalog" and when I'm harassing myself delving into notions that are not my concern or even when simply accompanying my dear friend Dawn as she dashes back two flights of steps a long hallway and into the library to retrieve her i.d, with me tagging along) this two word thing popped into my mind.

And so, there. I provided the meaning and it couldn't have been more clearer if the sun actually emerged from the clouds and immediately blinded me while I shout AHHHH!!! What is happening in my life? I don't have a proper worth, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, I forget things I shouldn't, I hate people I shouldn't be hating and I'm on the brink of despair. But still, no, I'm not crying and I don't have any intention to do so. Since so far, I could still handle things and juggle them together with the starting point of the onslaught of a mountain of home works and requirements to be fulfilled. And anyway, I don't have any reason to be sad, and I'm going to end up crazy if I pass this moment by being emotional and reflective and such when these kinds of times only come once in a light year. No. I'm kidding. Maybe once after three weeks.

Plus, my love life sucks. Hahaha. Gotcha there. But no, in a way, it still sucks. But, don't get me wrong. I don't really care about my love life (okay, I'm gonna be honest here, it matters a little bit) and it's totally fine with me if it goes nowhere and I come upon a dead end at some point. It doesn't matter, it just comes to that after some time anyway. I think it became a pattern already. Like someone, feel happy about it, finds out he loves someone else, go emo about it, go through turmoil and remorse for ever feeling this way about him, give yourself some hope that he'll come to someday and realize that you're meant to be, realize you're wrong and you're just a deluded moron, let go, still can't do it, fall in love with him all over again, go through another set of pain, then finally let go. I know, it's a pretty long and winding road you've got there. And you can tell me that it ain't easy.

Not that I'm treating the thing I have now as different from the rest, but come on, once in a while you just have to believe that you've got a chance here and anything might happen. But I guess that's only for the hopeless romantics like me and the legions of deluded morons throughout the path of love. Love is never, I repeat NEVER fair. But only if it's not meant to be and someone somewhere knows that it's not supposed to come together. Don't worry, it's just destiny's harsh way of saying "I love you that's why I'm dragging you off of him so you would be free when the Prince of your dreams comes for you." Goshness... Am I being inspired or what? Haha.

Well. To stop beating around the bush, I'm just going to proceed to the main reason why I wrote this post; which is, to expand on what's happening in my boring life right now. I have no idea how to tell you how I am right now, but I guess there's one thing that's floating around in my thoughts right now. You see, a while ago, when it was still in the early afternoon (I'm actually telling you that quarter to five in the afternoon is early), and I was back to the circular fountain with absolutely no water and dry as a gourd in the Tarc of our alma matter. I just came from outside, after accompanying a good friend of mine to the photocopier to do some print outs of the book about Rizal that I borrowed in the library. Of course, it was a bit hot and I'm sweating like a horse (the mere thought is disgusting) and I'm thinking that by virtual illusions, I look like a melting chocolate ice cream. I didn't look my best then.

So, actually, what I was really doing was waiting there for my dad and "his" arrival since it's been half an hour since they ventured out. The stones on the bench were like a furnace and my bottom was like being grilled, even if I sit on the hem of my uniform, it still makes no difference. You know, I have this kind of intuition, where I could predict things that will happen, and my instincts are usually 80% rational and about 8/10 of it comes true. And so I had the feeling that he'd come any minute now and so I positioned myself properly (even if it was freaking hot and I literally felt like my nose was going to disappear and my face was going melt into a puddle, plus, I probably look gross with all the sweat on my face), holding the green book I borrowed from the library by the eaves and with it open to some random page.

When they finally arrived, well, as you know, I was a bit, I repeat, A BIT uneasy. I find it queer but these last few days, OKAY, this day, I feel as if I'm not affected that much anymore as I did before, about him, I mean. We talked and I was like literally talking nonchalantly with him and a couple of good friends and I was actually managing without fainting. Okay, that's over acting, I'm not that die hard, mind you. And he was speaking to me, and I to him, and I'm agreeing and stuff, even though I didn't really hear some of the things he was talking about (I think they were the home works for tomorrow, though, of course, I'm half listening and I do know what I'm answering to him) mainly because my mind was short circuiting at how calmly I'm taking this and how un-maliced and nonchalant he was conversing with me (as if the things that happened in our previous meeting never happened and I didn't freak out in front of him and giggled like some school girl and lost all my control and something weird happened and I was deluding myself again before I realized it's a trick of destiny and it's playing with me again).

I guess it's a good thing. And he actually shook my hand before, in the classroom. What a weird thing to do. Well, anyway, that means that it's okay with him, and come to think of it, he was actually CORDIAL with me. It's as if we made some truce and we compromised all the ill thoughts and the malice and my feelings together with it. It's as if something changed and I don't really know what it is. It's driving me crazy and up to the wall. I'd end up institutionalized if I don't stop this crap. Just joking. But I really am intrigued. And... I don't why I feel it's different, but he became nice to me and treats me like any other friend. Well isn't that nice? Isn't it? Don't you think so? Right? Yeah? Right? Oh, crap.

And the absolute bomb at the end, the light bulb that turned on (after much switch flipping in my brain) when it happened; he waved me goodbye. Nice one Blessie. Really very nice. I know it's a good thing and I'm actually pretty lucky to be waved and wished goodbye by my "special someone" but hey, I'm only human and I'm entitled to a few thoughts here and there. It's just that in some part of me, it pinched a bit and all I could do as I dragged my dad away from the ersatz fountain was to smile sadly and look at the setting sun up above. Then shake my head a few times. And say AHHH!!! once again. Maybe, someday, I'd come to admitting to myself and telling you what I felt at that moment. But just to give you an idea, it's pretty related to the title of this blog post.


All my love,

Blessie


P.S

Rain, for me, is a nice prospect. Not because it gives us a downpour water, and it helps enormously in the irrigation of plantations all over the country (yes, I'm that snobbish) but because it feels like someone, or somebody is out there, feeling for you and it's as if God is with you in your sorrows. It has a feeling of being sympathized and just like magic, everything that you feel, all of your dreams, your hopes, your love; it just comes out in the open. It could even make me emotional at times and I'd have a good cry once in awhile.

When it's raining I always feel like covering myself in a comfortable blanket, dragging Ferby (my most important treasure in my teenage life, because, mainly he's given by someone SOOOO special, I'll tell you about that in later posts) at the bottom, or the side of the bed, wherever he might be and clutch him in my chest then proceed to use all my strength in opening the rusty bedroom window and plant myself in front of it, gazing at the milky skies as a slight drizzle starts falling in one or two spots by the lower roof. Then there comes all the hopes, the wants, the aspirations and I'd probably grab my iPod, flip over to a whatever song feels like the moment, and then daydream as much as I want. It's a win win scenario. ^^

Oh yeah, the picture up there, that's my dear Ferby. Just so you know.

But, enough about teddy bears, windows, and rain. I'm not posting this to talk about my own crazy hobbies and my ideal serene scenarios. That's the problem with me, sometimes, when I fully intend to write on specific and straight to the point topic, I always end up straying from it and veering off into some otherworldly things and tend to expand on that so my posts usually end up long and out of the point. I don't know why I'm such an OC and why I always tend to explain things in my posts, random things and whatsoever. I just can't help it. Look at me now, I'm going off topic again.

OKAY. Back to my POINT. Oh, great, with so much exaggeration and all, I forgot what I'm supposed to say. *light bulb click* Oh, yeah. Since today's Friday (yay! it's Saturday tomorrow, traveling day again!!! but then, it's raining and if it continues till tomorrow, me and my bro won't be allowed by our father; total bummer) and the news about First Time's last 20...10...5 episodes have been all over and has been going around Facebook these past few weeks, I'm quite aware that maybe, just maybe, today's the totally sought ending of the series. I thought about it a bit, while I heard the it's opening intro blaring from the television downstairs , but since I'm so busy (and has been for two days) reediting the CSS of my blog, I didn't really mind it.

Though, there are some things that made me think that today might be the last episode of First Time. First, First Time's been going on for awhile and from the warnings from other media sources of it's near ending, it's supposed to end at some point right? I just had a feeling that maybe, it's THIS time. And so yeah, my senses never failed me. Second, because the turn of events seems to be pointing at a close and it just makes it more imminent that they're gonna sweep off the series from the channel time slot and would be pushing some other series instead.

And so, while I was stressing (all this time) and continuously being irritated as I'm editing the CSS code for my blog (I am using the trial and error tactic, FYI since I'm totally clueless on how cascading style sheets are supposed to go and I'm just feeling my way in) because some of my edits just won't work (particularly the Yellow Ribbon Logo), my brother's piping yet drawling voice came up from the confusing mass of sounds (a mixture of the Senate's boring debates that seems like it's not going to end anytime soon, my iTunes playlist going over and over, and the people creating useless babble of talk on the street outside our house) and shouted plainly and clearly: "B.A, Baste's gonna start courting Sarah." like a dozen times, and in between, I somehow picked it up from the chaos of sounds, before he finally shut up and started pounding his drum sticks in our dad's huge slippers.

Since I'm a huge fan of the "SarahXBaste" tandem or love team, or whatever you call them, I hastened over without turning off anything from my room and came crashing down the stairs and into the couch. All I saw in the screen was Sarah crying and on the other half, Baste telling his parents that "I hope she was here to witness this.... blah blah blah", I don't really get it because I didn't catch his whole statement but my brother just said "he's going to court her" with my face full of hungry (and creepy) expression of excitement and hope. And I was like "WHAAAT? WHAAT?" And mercifully, my father chose to educate me, and tell me that Baste actually received some awards (I think it was their graduation or something, I'm not really sure) and he felt that he owed everything of it from Sarah and from my own opinion, I think that finally made him see that it was NOT Natalie whom he loves, but Sarah.

And so that finally made me happy and all because (you don't know anything of it, I cried BLOOD, okay I'm joking, because for some time, it appeared that the love team that was going to end up was Natalie and Baste, not Sarah and Baste) I don't know, it just feels like I could totally relate to what Sarah feels and their whole story is like my LIFE, thank you very much. It wouldn't make sense to you if I just told you a raw statement of it right? So, I'd be kind enough to relate to you every detail that I know of. Well, not that much.

It's like this, I don't when or why or what, but somehow, with all the mushy sweetness (puke puke) between Cindy and Lucas, Sarah finally found her match in Cindy's best friend Baste. She started talking about love, became understanding and kind, really inspired and she even made this website about love with Baste's picture on the front page and she almost got caught by him. And her close encounters and ultimately close call of him finding out her feelings is totally giggle-worthy and romantic. Then, Baste somehow became "MU" with Cindy, and Sarah was somewhat fine with it, but then, Baste decided to set Cindy free because he loved her too much to keep him for himself but with her not really happy at all. After Baste and Cindy's supposed "break up" Sarah chose that moment to reveal her love for Baste and told him: "You know the crush I'm talking about, it's you. I like you. Was it impossible to tell me you like me too?"

And it was all sad and my heart totally broke when her tears started falling after Baste kinda turned her down by telling her "I see you just as a friend." And so, Baste started avoiding Sarah at campus and it really put her on totally sad mode and you could just see her crying all alone sometimes. Natalie, the school queen (think Regina George, but not as slutty, just bitchy), has been abandoned by her cronies and her popularity has been taken away from her. She was treated badly by her cronies and she was the one who was bullied now. When she realized the error of her ways, and how it felt to be bullied by other people (to which she has done to others often), she turned over a new leaf and said sorry to all the people she has treated badly before.

Her brave and sincere act of a change of heart won her the friendship of Sarah and the attention of Baste. Baste kinda started appreciating her but Sarah being her closest friend after her fallout with her cronies, she decided to help Sarah with Baste (totally oblivious of the attention Baste was giving her). She gave Sarah a makeover and started convincing Baste to come with them, so that he would learn to like Sarah in return. But as she made these efforts, Baste started falling in like with her (they also had sweet moments, like the unexpected meetings in the hallways, long staring moments and times when they're alone together, e.g when Natalie tried washing clothes in Baste's house and when Natalie revealed to him what type of guy she likes) until finally, on his birthday, he told her his wish was her.

I know, it's totally romantic right? But I hope it was with Sarah not Natalie. And so Natalie was rendered speechless because, really, she had absolutely NO whatsoever clue of Baste's feelings for her. Sarah started sensing that there's something going on that she doesn't know, and she finally found out that Baste likes Natalie when she caught them talking with each other and Baste supposedly (I don't know, I wasn't able to watch this part, but Baste must be telling Natalie he really likes her because Sarah started crying when she saw and heard them. As in she walked in on them.) told Natalie he want to be with her or something.

Then Sarah somewhat had hard feelings with Natalie, and this parts comes with the ending of First Time (at least, this is the part that I know). As I said earlier, when he received an award, Baste realized that he owes all of it to Sarah and he FINALLY FINALLY saw it in his heart that it was Sarah he actually loved and Natalie was just a misnomer. But to clear things off, Natalie DIDN'T like Baste. She was 100% loyal to Sarah and never meant for that to happen, that was why she was sad when Sarah found out that Baste likes her (by "her" I mean Natalie). Then, Sarah, being a good and kind girl, went to the class' graduation party and went up to Natalie. Natalie, feeling down again, asked Sarah hesitantly what she was doing there. Blah, blah, blah. And they made up.

Sarah said she wasn't mad anymore and her friendship with Natalie was important and she wasn't willing to lose that. And so they hugged and Natalie declared that Sarah was he one and only best friend. As for the friendship thing, they really look like ultimate best friends and they compliment each other. Baste all of that, and I assumed that added up to his like point with Sarah, being able to make up with Natalie and chose her friend instead of the jealousy and hate. Wanna know the ending? It was narrated by Cindy, of course, since she's the female protagonist, and she just told the audience what happened to her friends and family. But of course, it was shown to the home audience. And I actually saw Sarah hug Baste.

So ... what happened is that Baste really started liking Sarah (he loves her is more like it) and the scene is, while Sarah was reading a book, he sneaked up behind her and placed a book on top of what she was reading. She opened it and a note was slipped inside that reads: "Sarah, I like you. Could I court you?" And she looked at him with the biggest smile and he smiled sheepishly back and Sarah hugged him and they were all pure happiness. Oh, I love it. I can't even get over it. It was the sweetest ending I've ever watched. Ever.

I don't know when I'll be posting again but it's certain that it will be soon enough.
Here is a picture of Baste and Sarah:



More Posts Coming, LOVELOTZ,

Blessie Anne

And the die was cast. All I'm waiting for right now would be the date of the execution. I mean, the release date of the UPCAT test results. Since I'm part of the first batch to take the UP admission test scheduled early in the morning, I have to drag myself out there before 6:30 in the morning. Fortunately, there wasn't any misgivings of couple of hours lack of sleep for I got up all by myself about 2 hours early. That just indicates how excited I am to take this test. Not that I've prepared for it or anything, I didn't even have a refresher of my geometry course days before. I did cram little snippets of terms from scanning a crash review booklet I received from the review center I enrolled in during the last month of summer. 

Since we set off ahead of time, we didn't encounter any traffic on the way over. I gave my friend Diana a lift because we were designated on the same place anyway. And good thing too because I wouldn't know what to do if I was left alone there together with other faces, students from other schools who are apparently, my peers. I had this perception when I was still an adolescent that there aren't a lot of 13 year olds in the world. Because I don't often see anyone my age then (people I came across with were either too old or too young) I just resorted to thinking that my species (generation) was rare. Hah. Funny thought once you see the number of students desperate to be admitted in the state university. 

So fast forward blah blah blah to the instruction orientation before the exam, it felt all so surreal. And queer too. What I mean is, I literally felt like that was a pivotal moment in my life. Like some sort of stepping stone. It's like I'm there because it's something important. Now I know I didn't study for it, but I don't want to think about that because it just makes me feel restless and depressed that I didn't take it seriously until the actual moment that I'm about to take it. It's sad, to realize that you should have prepared for it, since it won't happen again for the rest for you life. As they say, you only take the upcat ONCE. And that's that. 

For starters, there weren't any hot guys mixed among the examinees. Some looked up to par, but none of them passed my qualifications. Not that I actually expected awesome guys to show up. Although I'll take my hat off to our examiner, at least he looked a bit decent and his voice is just amazing. You wouldn't even notice that he's reading some sort of manual to relay the instructions. As for the test, well its... a test, yeah. After being done with it, I guess it's not really that hard. It's none different from elementary entrance exams, with the exception of the range of topics covered. There's your general science, a bit of biology, quite an unpleasant lot of Chemistry, and a little of your Physics. Nothing less.

Mathematics will always be mathematics, what do you expect? English was all right. Didn't have much trouble there, though I had misgivings for a few items. After answering each subtest, I immediately forgot all about it. I don't even remember any particular questions. It's like once the proctor instructed us to shut our exam questionnaire, a memory charm was cast upon us (Obliviate!) and our minds are totally wiped out of all traces of the previous test. What? So that we won't blab it to others? Pathetic. Anyway, I'm quite doubtful that I'll pass the exam, but I'm still going to pray for it. Because, honestly, UP doesn't seem a bad choice of campus, considering the fact that I immediately fell in love with the greenery and the infrastructures inside the university. Too bad my courses are based on UP Manila. Diliman is pretty decent. 

To all my readers (again, if there are any :), please pray for me, that I pass the examination. I'd really be a great help. So, pictures galore.

Why didn't I see my soulmate out there? I didn't even saw a trace of anyone from school. Maybe because the campus is just so freakin' large?

I hate it. I just hate it. I wish I reviewed for the UPCAT. I was too dumb to realize that indeed, I'm only undergoing this once. I won't have any chance to take it again. And it's rightful to think that you should at least feel satisfied and confident at how well you performed the exam. I just blew it. I'm such a deluded moron. With USTET, I'm definitely going to stand on firm ground by slowly making my way reviewing everything that I've encountered so far in school. I won't regret it, this time around.

Now, I connected the irony, I know, and the first time I saw the sign, it's the first thing that I thought. But let's not put any malice here. :) By this, I absorbed the vastness of the UP Campus. I mean, this is just the cafe and it took like, half a block. I'm seriously addicted to this campus. Move aside, UST!

Oh, nostalgia, why do you have to hurt so much? Why do you have to remind me of the things that I had before and how I happy I was then? Why wrench my heart so harshly?

Now don't we look pretty?

Kay. After an especially stressful week, here I am, hoping that things would turn out for the better. AND IT DOES. I can't express how relieved I am. I feel like I won the lottery, when in reality, nothing really happened that in anyway benefits me. Again, I'm not doing home work? What is it about home work that I just can't face it? Anyway, that's not important. What's important is why I jumped for joy (and almost banged my head on the low ceiling) just a minute ago. 

It's just that this afternoon, I was worrying about my crush's love life. I know, I know, it should keep me busy enough to look after my own matters of the heart, but isn't that just the same? Because TOOT is my crush after all and he is the matter of my heart so it's just right that I worry about him. What happened is my best friend (who I think is not really all for the TOOT thing) told me that she, once again, saw him talking to the stick girl. Oh you know, code names. We just looove code names. It reigns us from randomly calling the other person a bitch.

You understand what I'm trying to say? I don't know with guys, but this applies much more with the ladies; when you pick up something on the radar that your crush likes someone else, you immediately build up antagonistic feelings for that person right? Like, there's just something in the equation that makes the two of you go syntax error. That there's some natural philosophy that states that you're meant to be each other's enemies. All because of the affection of a guy/girl. Life, how I love you and your silly antics.

Platonic Friendship. What the hell is that? Derived from some effing dictionary I found on the net: Platonic Friendship; friendship which keeps its hands to itself and remains that way. Doesn't involve love, whatsoever. Yeah right. NOOOOOO!!! Okay, people, I'm actually aware that I'm freaking out and it not supposed to be a surprise for you when I just drop dead on the street. Nah, I'm kidding. I won't have any life threatening emotional attacks just yet. It's just that while I was thinking about my situation (at times when my mind is so "kalog" and when I'm harassing myself delving into notions that are not my concern or even when simply accompanying my dear friend Dawn as she dashes back two flights of steps a long hallway and into the library to retrieve her i.d, with me tagging along) this two word thing popped into my mind.

And so, there. I provided the meaning and it couldn't have been more clearer if the sun actually emerged from the clouds and immediately blinded me while I shout AHHHH!!! What is happening in my life? I don't have a proper worth, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, I forget things I shouldn't, I hate people I shouldn't be hating and I'm on the brink of despair. But still, no, I'm not crying and I don't have any intention to do so. Since so far, I could still handle things and juggle them together with the starting point of the onslaught of a mountain of home works and requirements to be fulfilled. And anyway, I don't have any reason to be sad, and I'm going to end up crazy if I pass this moment by being emotional and reflective and such when these kinds of times only come once in a light year. No. I'm kidding. Maybe once after three weeks.

Plus, my love life sucks. Hahaha. Gotcha there. But no, in a way, it still sucks. But, don't get me wrong. I don't really care about my love life (okay, I'm gonna be honest here, it matters a little bit) and it's totally fine with me if it goes nowhere and I come upon a dead end at some point. It doesn't matter, it just comes to that after some time anyway. I think it became a pattern already. Like someone, feel happy about it, finds out he loves someone else, go emo about it, go through turmoil and remorse for ever feeling this way about him, give yourself some hope that he'll come to someday and realize that you're meant to be, realize you're wrong and you're just a deluded moron, let go, still can't do it, fall in love with him all over again, go through another set of pain, then finally let go. I know, it's a pretty long and winding road you've got there. And you can tell me that it ain't easy.

Not that I'm treating the thing I have now as different from the rest, but come on, once in a while you just have to believe that you've got a chance here and anything might happen. But I guess that's only for the hopeless romantics like me and the legions of deluded morons throughout the path of love. Love is never, I repeat NEVER fair. But only if it's not meant to be and someone somewhere knows that it's not supposed to come together. Don't worry, it's just destiny's harsh way of saying "I love you that's why I'm dragging you off of him so you would be free when the Prince of your dreams comes for you." Goshness... Am I being inspired or what? Haha.

Well. To stop beating around the bush, I'm just going to proceed to the main reason why I wrote this post; which is, to expand on what's happening in my boring life right now. I have no idea how to tell you how I am right now, but I guess there's one thing that's floating around in my thoughts right now. You see, a while ago, when it was still in the early afternoon (I'm actually telling you that quarter to five in the afternoon is early), and I was back to the circular fountain with absolutely no water and dry as a gourd in the Tarc of our alma matter. I just came from outside, after accompanying a good friend of mine to the photocopier to do some print outs of the book about Rizal that I borrowed in the library. Of course, it was a bit hot and I'm sweating like a horse (the mere thought is disgusting) and I'm thinking that by virtual illusions, I look like a melting chocolate ice cream. I didn't look my best then.

So, actually, what I was really doing was waiting there for my dad and "his" arrival since it's been half an hour since they ventured out. The stones on the bench were like a furnace and my bottom was like being grilled, even if I sit on the hem of my uniform, it still makes no difference. You know, I have this kind of intuition, where I could predict things that will happen, and my instincts are usually 80% rational and about 8/10 of it comes true. And so I had the feeling that he'd come any minute now and so I positioned myself properly (even if it was freaking hot and I literally felt like my nose was going to disappear and my face was going melt into a puddle, plus, I probably look gross with all the sweat on my face), holding the green book I borrowed from the library by the eaves and with it open to some random page.

When they finally arrived, well, as you know, I was a bit, I repeat, A BIT uneasy. I find it queer but these last few days, OKAY, this day, I feel as if I'm not affected that much anymore as I did before, about him, I mean. We talked and I was like literally talking nonchalantly with him and a couple of good friends and I was actually managing without fainting. Okay, that's over acting, I'm not that die hard, mind you. And he was speaking to me, and I to him, and I'm agreeing and stuff, even though I didn't really hear some of the things he was talking about (I think they were the home works for tomorrow, though, of course, I'm half listening and I do know what I'm answering to him) mainly because my mind was short circuiting at how calmly I'm taking this and how un-maliced and nonchalant he was conversing with me (as if the things that happened in our previous meeting never happened and I didn't freak out in front of him and giggled like some school girl and lost all my control and something weird happened and I was deluding myself again before I realized it's a trick of destiny and it's playing with me again).

I guess it's a good thing. And he actually shook my hand before, in the classroom. What a weird thing to do. Well, anyway, that means that it's okay with him, and come to think of it, he was actually CORDIAL with me. It's as if we made some truce and we compromised all the ill thoughts and the malice and my feelings together with it. It's as if something changed and I don't really know what it is. It's driving me crazy and up to the wall. I'd end up institutionalized if I don't stop this crap. Just joking. But I really am intrigued. And... I don't why I feel it's different, but he became nice to me and treats me like any other friend. Well isn't that nice? Isn't it? Don't you think so? Right? Yeah? Right? Oh, crap.

And the absolute bomb at the end, the light bulb that turned on (after much switch flipping in my brain) when it happened; he waved me goodbye. Nice one Blessie. Really very nice. I know it's a good thing and I'm actually pretty lucky to be waved and wished goodbye by my "special someone" but hey, I'm only human and I'm entitled to a few thoughts here and there. It's just that in some part of me, it pinched a bit and all I could do as I dragged my dad away from the ersatz fountain was to smile sadly and look at the setting sun up above. Then shake my head a few times. And say AHHH!!! once again. Maybe, someday, I'd come to admitting to myself and telling you what I felt at that moment. But just to give you an idea, it's pretty related to the title of this blog post.


All my love,

Blessie


P.S

Rain, for me, is a nice prospect. Not because it gives us a downpour water, and it helps enormously in the irrigation of plantations all over the country (yes, I'm that snobbish) but because it feels like someone, or somebody is out there, feeling for you and it's as if God is with you in your sorrows. It has a feeling of being sympathized and just like magic, everything that you feel, all of your dreams, your hopes, your love; it just comes out in the open. It could even make me emotional at times and I'd have a good cry once in awhile.

When it's raining I always feel like covering myself in a comfortable blanket, dragging Ferby (my most important treasure in my teenage life, because, mainly he's given by someone SOOOO special, I'll tell you about that in later posts) at the bottom, or the side of the bed, wherever he might be and clutch him in my chest then proceed to use all my strength in opening the rusty bedroom window and plant myself in front of it, gazing at the milky skies as a slight drizzle starts falling in one or two spots by the lower roof. Then there comes all the hopes, the wants, the aspirations and I'd probably grab my iPod, flip over to a whatever song feels like the moment, and then daydream as much as I want. It's a win win scenario. ^^

Oh yeah, the picture up there, that's my dear Ferby. Just so you know.

But, enough about teddy bears, windows, and rain. I'm not posting this to talk about my own crazy hobbies and my ideal serene scenarios. That's the problem with me, sometimes, when I fully intend to write on specific and straight to the point topic, I always end up straying from it and veering off into some otherworldly things and tend to expand on that so my posts usually end up long and out of the point. I don't know why I'm such an OC and why I always tend to explain things in my posts, random things and whatsoever. I just can't help it. Look at me now, I'm going off topic again.

OKAY. Back to my POINT. Oh, great, with so much exaggeration and all, I forgot what I'm supposed to say. *light bulb click* Oh, yeah. Since today's Friday (yay! it's Saturday tomorrow, traveling day again!!! but then, it's raining and if it continues till tomorrow, me and my bro won't be allowed by our father; total bummer) and the news about First Time's last 20...10...5 episodes have been all over and has been going around Facebook these past few weeks, I'm quite aware that maybe, just maybe, today's the totally sought ending of the series. I thought about it a bit, while I heard the it's opening intro blaring from the television downstairs , but since I'm so busy (and has been for two days) reediting the CSS of my blog, I didn't really mind it.

Though, there are some things that made me think that today might be the last episode of First Time. First, First Time's been going on for awhile and from the warnings from other media sources of it's near ending, it's supposed to end at some point right? I just had a feeling that maybe, it's THIS time. And so yeah, my senses never failed me. Second, because the turn of events seems to be pointing at a close and it just makes it more imminent that they're gonna sweep off the series from the channel time slot and would be pushing some other series instead.

And so, while I was stressing (all this time) and continuously being irritated as I'm editing the CSS code for my blog (I am using the trial and error tactic, FYI since I'm totally clueless on how cascading style sheets are supposed to go and I'm just feeling my way in) because some of my edits just won't work (particularly the Yellow Ribbon Logo), my brother's piping yet drawling voice came up from the confusing mass of sounds (a mixture of the Senate's boring debates that seems like it's not going to end anytime soon, my iTunes playlist going over and over, and the people creating useless babble of talk on the street outside our house) and shouted plainly and clearly: "B.A, Baste's gonna start courting Sarah." like a dozen times, and in between, I somehow picked it up from the chaos of sounds, before he finally shut up and started pounding his drum sticks in our dad's huge slippers.

Since I'm a huge fan of the "SarahXBaste" tandem or love team, or whatever you call them, I hastened over without turning off anything from my room and came crashing down the stairs and into the couch. All I saw in the screen was Sarah crying and on the other half, Baste telling his parents that "I hope she was here to witness this.... blah blah blah", I don't really get it because I didn't catch his whole statement but my brother just said "he's going to court her" with my face full of hungry (and creepy) expression of excitement and hope. And I was like "WHAAAT? WHAAT?" And mercifully, my father chose to educate me, and tell me that Baste actually received some awards (I think it was their graduation or something, I'm not really sure) and he felt that he owed everything of it from Sarah and from my own opinion, I think that finally made him see that it was NOT Natalie whom he loves, but Sarah.

And so that finally made me happy and all because (you don't know anything of it, I cried BLOOD, okay I'm joking, because for some time, it appeared that the love team that was going to end up was Natalie and Baste, not Sarah and Baste) I don't know, it just feels like I could totally relate to what Sarah feels and their whole story is like my LIFE, thank you very much. It wouldn't make sense to you if I just told you a raw statement of it right? So, I'd be kind enough to relate to you every detail that I know of. Well, not that much.

It's like this, I don't when or why or what, but somehow, with all the mushy sweetness (puke puke) between Cindy and Lucas, Sarah finally found her match in Cindy's best friend Baste. She started talking about love, became understanding and kind, really inspired and she even made this website about love with Baste's picture on the front page and she almost got caught by him. And her close encounters and ultimately close call of him finding out her feelings is totally giggle-worthy and romantic. Then, Baste somehow became "MU" with Cindy, and Sarah was somewhat fine with it, but then, Baste decided to set Cindy free because he loved her too much to keep him for himself but with her not really happy at all. After Baste and Cindy's supposed "break up" Sarah chose that moment to reveal her love for Baste and told him: "You know the crush I'm talking about, it's you. I like you. Was it impossible to tell me you like me too?"

And it was all sad and my heart totally broke when her tears started falling after Baste kinda turned her down by telling her "I see you just as a friend." And so, Baste started avoiding Sarah at campus and it really put her on totally sad mode and you could just see her crying all alone sometimes. Natalie, the school queen (think Regina George, but not as slutty, just bitchy), has been abandoned by her cronies and her popularity has been taken away from her. She was treated badly by her cronies and she was the one who was bullied now. When she realized the error of her ways, and how it felt to be bullied by other people (to which she has done to others often), she turned over a new leaf and said sorry to all the people she has treated badly before.

Her brave and sincere act of a change of heart won her the friendship of Sarah and the attention of Baste. Baste kinda started appreciating her but Sarah being her closest friend after her fallout with her cronies, she decided to help Sarah with Baste (totally oblivious of the attention Baste was giving her). She gave Sarah a makeover and started convincing Baste to come with them, so that he would learn to like Sarah in return. But as she made these efforts, Baste started falling in like with her (they also had sweet moments, like the unexpected meetings in the hallways, long staring moments and times when they're alone together, e.g when Natalie tried washing clothes in Baste's house and when Natalie revealed to him what type of guy she likes) until finally, on his birthday, he told her his wish was her.

I know, it's totally romantic right? But I hope it was with Sarah not Natalie. And so Natalie was rendered speechless because, really, she had absolutely NO whatsoever clue of Baste's feelings for her. Sarah started sensing that there's something going on that she doesn't know, and she finally found out that Baste likes Natalie when she caught them talking with each other and Baste supposedly (I don't know, I wasn't able to watch this part, but Baste must be telling Natalie he really likes her because Sarah started crying when she saw and heard them. As in she walked in on them.) told Natalie he want to be with her or something.

Then Sarah somewhat had hard feelings with Natalie, and this parts comes with the ending of First Time (at least, this is the part that I know). As I said earlier, when he received an award, Baste realized that he owes all of it to Sarah and he FINALLY FINALLY saw it in his heart that it was Sarah he actually loved and Natalie was just a misnomer. But to clear things off, Natalie DIDN'T like Baste. She was 100% loyal to Sarah and never meant for that to happen, that was why she was sad when Sarah found out that Baste likes her (by "her" I mean Natalie). Then, Sarah, being a good and kind girl, went to the class' graduation party and went up to Natalie. Natalie, feeling down again, asked Sarah hesitantly what she was doing there. Blah, blah, blah. And they made up.

Sarah said she wasn't mad anymore and her friendship with Natalie was important and she wasn't willing to lose that. And so they hugged and Natalie declared that Sarah was he one and only best friend. As for the friendship thing, they really look like ultimate best friends and they compliment each other. Baste all of that, and I assumed that added up to his like point with Sarah, being able to make up with Natalie and chose her friend instead of the jealousy and hate. Wanna know the ending? It was narrated by Cindy, of course, since she's the female protagonist, and she just told the audience what happened to her friends and family. But of course, it was shown to the home audience. And I actually saw Sarah hug Baste.

So ... what happened is that Baste really started liking Sarah (he loves her is more like it) and the scene is, while Sarah was reading a book, he sneaked up behind her and placed a book on top of what she was reading. She opened it and a note was slipped inside that reads: "Sarah, I like you. Could I court you?" And she looked at him with the biggest smile and he smiled sheepishly back and Sarah hugged him and they were all pure happiness. Oh, I love it. I can't even get over it. It was the sweetest ending I've ever watched. Ever.

I don't know when I'll be posting again but it's certain that it will be soon enough.
Here is a picture of Baste and Sarah:



More Posts Coming, LOVELOTZ,

Blessie Anne