It's blue Christmas here for me. Idk, maybe it's just the song I'm playing. What's the term for a person who hurts herself on purpose? Not that I'm slashing my wrists or anything, just that I do love to torture myself emotionally. Haha. I listen to songs that I know would eventually get me nostalgic and sad, and worse yet, I let myself feel feelings that I know would just lead to more drama in my already dramatic life. Yay! And no, I'm not crazy. Yet.

Since I'm bordering between being sad and feeling hopeful, (curse you Tip Toe Love, In Time With You OST) I'm just going to go on about the things that I want to feel and experience from this day onwards. It doesn't need to happen this year, but I hope all of them would happen in the near future. I think... I might deserve it.

1. Control my Diet. 

-Because I can't. Really. I'm big on carbs and I don't even stop for a moment to think of how many calories I'm taking in when I eat an eclair. Also, I need to work on my veggies! Seriously, I cringe when one vegetable dish is put under my nose. I should live healthy and I have a feeling eating my vegetables is a part of that. Need to work on it! All I need is the right motivation!

2. Have my own camera, touch phone, and laptop.

-See there, I'm not necessarily hankering after any iPhone. I just want a touch screen phone. With Carl Tessar pixels please? Because those lens are totally cool. That's one of the reasons why I can't let go of my old phone. It takes such amazing photos. But I haven't been in the mood lately to charge it up. You'll know the reason in the next number.

3. Have someone to talk to via text messaging.

-My social network is minute. My acquaintance web is quite small. Yes. I don't have anyone to talk to so why would I even bother charging my phone? There's no one to pester and it's just really troublesome to charge my phone even if it only takes an hour to do so. Plus, my phone's an antique so it doesn't really help to encourage me to get around charging it. I just need to build up my people networking. 

4. Have a cool wardrobe.

-I'm considering this option. Really am. Now thinking about throwing away items of clothing that either sucks, can't be used, or are just too ghastly to behold. But first, need to raise up the cash, baby!

5. Have the right direction.

-This is really important. To have a goal and work towards that goal. You have to really want something and let your desire take over and make you a better person in the long run. And I'm working on it. I'm working on it!

6. Meet this great guy who would show me what's it like.

-Guy pending.... Please come soon. Hahaha.

7. Fix my hair to something enticing.

- Not that my hair takes the plunge; it's just that in the past year and everything that I've undergone, my hair lost its luster in the process. It's rather sad but life's a bitch. So I need to search up on what I can actually do to make it a part of the list that makes me beautiful once again. It's all about the confidence. 

8. Get a curling iron.

-I've been meaning to get one for a long time now.

I hate it. Every part of it. I hate when I'm not able to get my ideas across just for the simple reason that I can't find the right words to say them with. It's like chaining myself up. And it gets me into such a frustration that I feel like there's a huge lump in my heart or my throat whenever I think about it. Yeah, for what I'm talking about, read above. I know, my writing seems fine here, but what I'm actually referring to professional writing. For my opinion article in my high school newspaper. It's like I'm in this white room and all around me is a wall painted in white with no apparent scratches of color at all.

It's very limiting, yes. And this is freaking OPINION. There aren't supposed to be any formalities. And it's all about what I've got to say about a certain topic. Or maybe I'm just not good in writing for newspapers. It all feels like a burden. (Okay, my club adviser isn't supposed to see that. He'll go ballistic and sack me from my position.) And here I am, ranting about it all to you people. I'm really the queen of informal writing. I hate writing something that I know would be criticized mercilessly by others. I hate it. I absolutely do. Okay. End of rant. Off to work. ACCEPTANCE. Yep, that's my topic.

It's blue Christmas here for me. Idk, maybe it's just the song I'm playing. What's the term for a person who hurts herself on purpose? Not that I'm slashing my wrists or anything, just that I do love to torture myself emotionally. Haha. I listen to songs that I know would eventually get me nostalgic and sad, and worse yet, I let myself feel feelings that I know would just lead to more drama in my already dramatic life. Yay! And no, I'm not crazy. Yet.

Since I'm bordering between being sad and feeling hopeful, (curse you Tip Toe Love, In Time With You OST) I'm just going to go on about the things that I want to feel and experience from this day onwards. It doesn't need to happen this year, but I hope all of them would happen in the near future. I think... I might deserve it.

1. Control my Diet. 

-Because I can't. Really. I'm big on carbs and I don't even stop for a moment to think of how many calories I'm taking in when I eat an eclair. Also, I need to work on my veggies! Seriously, I cringe when one vegetable dish is put under my nose. I should live healthy and I have a feeling eating my vegetables is a part of that. Need to work on it! All I need is the right motivation!

2. Have my own camera, touch phone, and laptop.

-See there, I'm not necessarily hankering after any iPhone. I just want a touch screen phone. With Carl Tessar pixels please? Because those lens are totally cool. That's one of the reasons why I can't let go of my old phone. It takes such amazing photos. But I haven't been in the mood lately to charge it up. You'll know the reason in the next number.

3. Have someone to talk to via text messaging.

-My social network is minute. My acquaintance web is quite small. Yes. I don't have anyone to talk to so why would I even bother charging my phone? There's no one to pester and it's just really troublesome to charge my phone even if it only takes an hour to do so. Plus, my phone's an antique so it doesn't really help to encourage me to get around charging it. I just need to build up my people networking. 

4. Have a cool wardrobe.

-I'm considering this option. Really am. Now thinking about throwing away items of clothing that either sucks, can't be used, or are just too ghastly to behold. But first, need to raise up the cash, baby!

5. Have the right direction.

-This is really important. To have a goal and work towards that goal. You have to really want something and let your desire take over and make you a better person in the long run. And I'm working on it. I'm working on it!

6. Meet this great guy who would show me what's it like.

-Guy pending.... Please come soon. Hahaha.

7. Fix my hair to something enticing.

- Not that my hair takes the plunge; it's just that in the past year and everything that I've undergone, my hair lost its luster in the process. It's rather sad but life's a bitch. So I need to search up on what I can actually do to make it a part of the list that makes me beautiful once again. It's all about the confidence. 

8. Get a curling iron.

-I've been meaning to get one for a long time now.

I hate it. Every part of it. I hate when I'm not able to get my ideas across just for the simple reason that I can't find the right words to say them with. It's like chaining myself up. And it gets me into such a frustration that I feel like there's a huge lump in my heart or my throat whenever I think about it. Yeah, for what I'm talking about, read above. I know, my writing seems fine here, but what I'm actually referring to professional writing. For my opinion article in my high school newspaper. It's like I'm in this white room and all around me is a wall painted in white with no apparent scratches of color at all.

It's very limiting, yes. And this is freaking OPINION. There aren't supposed to be any formalities. And it's all about what I've got to say about a certain topic. Or maybe I'm just not good in writing for newspapers. It all feels like a burden. (Okay, my club adviser isn't supposed to see that. He'll go ballistic and sack me from my position.) And here I am, ranting about it all to you people. I'm really the queen of informal writing. I hate writing something that I know would be criticized mercilessly by others. I hate it. I absolutely do. Okay. End of rant. Off to work. ACCEPTANCE. Yep, that's my topic.