MAMATAY NA! I'm trying not to care but all of you are making it harder for me. Why can't you just leave me alone? Why can't you just disappear from my life? You know, it'd would've been much better with all of you gone. Do you know how hard it is to live my life thinking in every second of every moment that I'm a failure, I'm worthless and I'm not needed? How dare you make me feel like that? How dare you ruin everything I can hold on to? Can't you please leave something for me atleast? Can't somebody understand, even if just a little bit. Does anybody even know what I'm going through? What the repercussions of all your actions in my life? DO YOU?

For once, I just want a normal life. I want to live like a fifteen year old. And that's the point. I'M ONLY FIFTEEN! I DON'T NEED GO THROUGH THIS. I DON'T NEED THIS. I'm spending my time, wondering what makes me totally different from others. I'm already robbed of my self confidence. MY TRUST IN MYSELF. Do you know how important that is in order to survive everything? I'm wondering every single day, who do I wake up for? To whom can I siphon my energy from? What inspires me to continue this life? NOTHING. And everyday, I have to deal with that. To deal that nothing is going right in my life anymore. And it's hard for me to accept that there might not be a silver lining. 

I don't know my direction anymore. The point of all this. I'm losing myself, but you're too busy living your own fascinating lives to care. Do you know the things that went through my mind while I'm carrying all of this in my heart? ANGER. BETRAYAL. FRUSTRATION. And then DISAPPOINTMENT. Disappointment that there is no pakikipagkapwa-tao after all. There is nothing like that. Because if there is, I would've felt it now. But you know what, in my ruined state, I'm still trying to give back to others. Trying to advice others when I can't even help myself. I can't even comfort myself. I just wish somebody would spare me some minutes and take the chance to talk with me. I really wish someone would. But no. They get too scared or too irritated to care. That's reality. 

MAMATAY NA! I'm trying not to care but all of you are making it harder for me. Why can't you just leave me alone? Why can't you just disappear from my life? You know, it'd would've been much better with all of you gone. Do you know how hard it is to live my life thinking in every second of every moment that I'm a failure, I'm worthless and I'm not needed? How dare you make me feel like that? How dare you ruin everything I can hold on to? Can't you please leave something for me atleast? Can't somebody understand, even if just a little bit. Does anybody even know what I'm going through? What the repercussions of all your actions in my life? DO YOU?

For once, I just want a normal life. I want to live like a fifteen year old. And that's the point. I'M ONLY FIFTEEN! I DON'T NEED GO THROUGH THIS. I DON'T NEED THIS. I'm spending my time, wondering what makes me totally different from others. I'm already robbed of my self confidence. MY TRUST IN MYSELF. Do you know how important that is in order to survive everything? I'm wondering every single day, who do I wake up for? To whom can I siphon my energy from? What inspires me to continue this life? NOTHING. And everyday, I have to deal with that. To deal that nothing is going right in my life anymore. And it's hard for me to accept that there might not be a silver lining. 

I don't know my direction anymore. The point of all this. I'm losing myself, but you're too busy living your own fascinating lives to care. Do you know the things that went through my mind while I'm carrying all of this in my heart? ANGER. BETRAYAL. FRUSTRATION. And then DISAPPOINTMENT. Disappointment that there is no pakikipagkapwa-tao after all. There is nothing like that. Because if there is, I would've felt it now. But you know what, in my ruined state, I'm still trying to give back to others. Trying to advice others when I can't even help myself. I can't even comfort myself. I just wish somebody would spare me some minutes and take the chance to talk with me. I really wish someone would. But no. They get too scared or too irritated to care. That's reality.