I love your eyes...

I literally don't know what to do. I'm kinda lost at the moment and I need enlightenment. You see, I really like this person not only because he was the only one who noticed me when I was down and out, but because he's sweet and kind also. The only problem is, I don't know if he likes me or not. There were a lot instances when all signs point to yes. Circumstances enumerated when he danced with me at the prom (the first time was set up but the second time was not) and the way he apparently "reddens" whenever he's around me. I don't know about that part, because all the blood rushes into my head at the moment he's near and everything like, deadens around me. It's weird. So to state it simply, I never notice. I'm too busy looking at the ground or the far horizon. That was during our high school week and it's past a month now.

I haven't heard anything yet, and it's driving me nuts. I was basically depending on the fact that if his friends brought it up once more, the deduction of my own friends (that he kinda likes me) would prove correct and we're just feeling the same things all along. But up to now, there are no known feed backs. Everything's back to normal so let us just move on with our lives. Kthnksbye. Just like that. This is my common fault. I always end up liking somebody too soon or too late that in the end, I'm forever the loser kid. I always get left behind. I don't know about you, but that is simply unfair for my part. I got hurt already (I can't believe it) and nothing's changing or happening. There is absolutely no progression. So what? I'm just stuck in the moment?

YOU talk to ME first.

This got me thinking. I mean, why is it that I have to be the one who does all the effort? That just makes me look obsessed or something. I was Tumblr inspired, especially with the phrases in Facebook telling me that if I have already done my best, I should just let it go. Maybe it's not really for me. Just like this:

Quote that deeply inspired my spur of action.

Immediately the next day, I resolved that I would NOT, under any circumstances, look at him secretly whenever we pass by their classroom, or go wherever he is at the moment. I won't be the one who will make a way just so that I can see him everyday. At least not now. Not that day. I made a bet with God. I thought, with the quote above in mind, that if this thing's worth it, he would go back to me in his own conviction, not mine. When something's really for you, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it, it will always go back to you. And so I went ahead that day, avoiding looking at the glass in their door and stayed at our classroom for the most part. Well, I saw him during dismissal, when we were just going back to the classroom from the computer laboratory. Although I saw him without looking for him, I doubt it that it's really the intention I was looking for. I mean, maybe, that's just plain coincidence.

Maybe he doesn't really like me the way I like him. It was so hard for me to do that plan. I have to at least see him once a day and yet he can manage a day perfectly without even seeing me. Maybe it was all just a scam and too bad for me, I totally fell for it. Well, don't I always do? Right now, my best friend (who's his classmate, btw) is plotting how he would notice me once again and get him to be my 'genuine' friend. (apparently, we're friends in the sense that when we pass each other in the hallway, he says hi and I do too) I don't know if this frustration is just brought up by my being hormonal at the moment or something, but the thing is, I know I can't continue being this way. You know the feeling when you've already tried everything (I indirectly told him I like him during Feb. 14 via best friend) and yet nothing's going the way you want it to?

When one moment, everything's going absolutely great and you couldn't be more happier, then suddenly all of it's off. Like a canceled meeting or family gathering. You get your hopes up only for them to fall of the bat. What a joke. So I'm thinking of giving up. I'm starting to feel that I shouldn't really be the one to make all of this effort. I deserve to be loved and be cared for by someone's own intuition, not because I was the one who made the first move. Hello? I'm a girl. I deserve to be wooed and be made to feel special by a guy. Not the other way around. What do you think?

Is it this?

or this?

credits to: Tumblr
note: I do not own any of the pictures. They belong to their respective owners.

Labels: blog post, brown eyes litany

Don't you know that with your silence, you're breaking a heart into pieces?

When you forget me
When you don't remember my name
Not even a memory
Somewhere at the back of your brain
-Falling Stars (David Archuleta)

Imagine if you're experiencing heartbreak, and you did not even know it at the time? Such was my state during the Junior-Senior prom held last February 1st, 2010 at the Sofitel Hotel somewhere in Roxas Boulevard. I don't really care for exact locations; I'm only after the ambiance and the memories built at the place. A week before the prom, my then flame made me think, albeit unknowingly, that he's starting to fall in love with me, and realized that I'm the one he's actually been looking for all along. I thought he finally saw the error of his ways, and that I've grown to be an important part of his life. I was dead wrong. Anyway, the damage was done. I attended the prom, thinking my chance has finally arrived and I was being rewarded for the countless of times I cried for that as*hole, and that he'd ask to be my last dance.

I was wrong on that count too. You see, since we're juniors and it's the first time we'd get to experience "the night to remember", the first dance would relatively be the important dance of the whole night. I was actually the one who pointed out that fact to everybody who would listen (God knows I'm the most excited one in our class about the upcoming prom) and that my aim would really be on the first dance. But then, as prom got nearer and nearer, I started thinking I'd want him to be my last dance. Don't ask me why, but I got this feeling that he'd choose me to be his last dance. I even included it in my list of miracles (second to the miracle of my mom ever allowing me to use contacts for prom night, which she eventually did after much probing), thinking God would be kind enough to grant it.

And so, prom night. Here we go. I arrived early, what with my parents getting paranoid about the time and having my make-up done earlier than expected. The sun was still up when my mom and I finally drove to the hotel. I was an early bird, but apparently there are others who were there earlier than I was. I was all dressed up, and I started looking for him already, thinking I was beautiful and everything (how messed up can I get). Let's start by marking my firsts during that night. The first girl I saw upon entering the foyer was Karen (she was wearing a brindled green and brown gown. The first close friend I saw was Dawn. Boy, was I shocked to see Dawn. She transformed into this totally unrecognizable person, mostly triggered by the make-up she was sporting. And... the first guy I saw was.... this guy. Yeah. This is where the "Enchanted" starts, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

With the first guy I saw (guy that I actually knew), I actually pretty much ignored him. He was just there, leaning on the banister right beside us, all alone, and I was too busy fussing over Dawn and keeping an eye out for that then-special someone. I didn't even say hi to him, despite of the fact that we kinda know each other even before. Pass forward to the events of the night, after program wherein the cotillion sashayed on the dance floor and the key of responsibility was passed from president to vice president, followed the dinner and the announcement of the Prom Royalties together with a bunch of special awards. Then, the dance floor was finally opened. To make things brief, once the first music blasted from the speakers, he got his heart broken. At first, I complained and all because they didn't have any right to ruin his night.

But deep inside, I was secretly hoping he would turn to me and would choose me instead. And then it was my turn to get heart broken when the girl he likes gave him a chance to dance with her so that she would be his first dance. First dance was really the most important that night as everyone was so eager to grab their significant others for it. It became a mania. So what did I do? I freaking cried. God, it was so horrible. You should've seen me. I'm a mess. I mean, I had contacts on and everything and weren't people wearing contacts prohibited to cry their eyes out? And I did. My make-up was ruined and all of me was annihilated as well. It couldn't have been any worse. When it finally dawned on me that if I continued crying like a baby at the corner, no guy would really approach me and ask me to dance.

Nobody likes crybabies. So I wiped the tears and sniffed out the snot, until finally, I was at least presentable to both genders. I settled for a friend of mine, Jay, to become my first dance. It was a disaster. I had no energy left at all to even move my arms so I pretty much looked like a dancing zombie/mummy at the dance floor. So in the end, Jay gave up on me and I was once again deposited to the table. I couldn't bear loneliness so I just the others as well, who were, btw, going wild already at the corner of the square. My best friend and daughter (she's my classmate but I call her my daughter) devised a plot and asked him to dance with me. He agreed, only then realizing that he managed to hurt someone also (he's so dense, I truly hate him for that) and he tried to sap out a reaction from me when we were already dancing. When he asked me to dance, it was really sweet because I was dancing with somebody and he like, barged in and told my dance partner "Hey, can I have her first?". Okay, you can squeal now.

Shucks. It's midnight. I need to get off the computer. My mom's gonna kill me.

Got to go. I'll just continue tomorrow.

Labels: blog post, brown eyes litany

I love your eyes...

I literally don't know what to do. I'm kinda lost at the moment and I need enlightenment. You see, I really like this person not only because he was the only one who noticed me when I was down and out, but because he's sweet and kind also. The only problem is, I don't know if he likes me or not. There were a lot instances when all signs point to yes. Circumstances enumerated when he danced with me at the prom (the first time was set up but the second time was not) and the way he apparently "reddens" whenever he's around me. I don't know about that part, because all the blood rushes into my head at the moment he's near and everything like, deadens around me. It's weird. So to state it simply, I never notice. I'm too busy looking at the ground or the far horizon. That was during our high school week and it's past a month now.

I haven't heard anything yet, and it's driving me nuts. I was basically depending on the fact that if his friends brought it up once more, the deduction of my own friends (that he kinda likes me) would prove correct and we're just feeling the same things all along. But up to now, there are no known feed backs. Everything's back to normal so let us just move on with our lives. Kthnksbye. Just like that. This is my common fault. I always end up liking somebody too soon or too late that in the end, I'm forever the loser kid. I always get left behind. I don't know about you, but that is simply unfair for my part. I got hurt already (I can't believe it) and nothing's changing or happening. There is absolutely no progression. So what? I'm just stuck in the moment?

YOU talk to ME first.

This got me thinking. I mean, why is it that I have to be the one who does all the effort? That just makes me look obsessed or something. I was Tumblr inspired, especially with the phrases in Facebook telling me that if I have already done my best, I should just let it go. Maybe it's not really for me. Just like this:

Quote that deeply inspired my spur of action.

Immediately the next day, I resolved that I would NOT, under any circumstances, look at him secretly whenever we pass by their classroom, or go wherever he is at the moment. I won't be the one who will make a way just so that I can see him everyday. At least not now. Not that day. I made a bet with God. I thought, with the quote above in mind, that if this thing's worth it, he would go back to me in his own conviction, not mine. When something's really for you, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it, it will always go back to you. And so I went ahead that day, avoiding looking at the glass in their door and stayed at our classroom for the most part. Well, I saw him during dismissal, when we were just going back to the classroom from the computer laboratory. Although I saw him without looking for him, I doubt it that it's really the intention I was looking for. I mean, maybe, that's just plain coincidence.

Maybe he doesn't really like me the way I like him. It was so hard for me to do that plan. I have to at least see him once a day and yet he can manage a day perfectly without even seeing me. Maybe it was all just a scam and too bad for me, I totally fell for it. Well, don't I always do? Right now, my best friend (who's his classmate, btw) is plotting how he would notice me once again and get him to be my 'genuine' friend. (apparently, we're friends in the sense that when we pass each other in the hallway, he says hi and I do too) I don't know if this frustration is just brought up by my being hormonal at the moment or something, but the thing is, I know I can't continue being this way. You know the feeling when you've already tried everything (I indirectly told him I like him during Feb. 14 via best friend) and yet nothing's going the way you want it to?

When one moment, everything's going absolutely great and you couldn't be more happier, then suddenly all of it's off. Like a canceled meeting or family gathering. You get your hopes up only for them to fall of the bat. What a joke. So I'm thinking of giving up. I'm starting to feel that I shouldn't really be the one to make all of this effort. I deserve to be loved and be cared for by someone's own intuition, not because I was the one who made the first move. Hello? I'm a girl. I deserve to be wooed and be made to feel special by a guy. Not the other way around. What do you think?

Is it this?

or this?

credits to: Tumblr
note: I do not own any of the pictures. They belong to their respective owners.

Labels: blog post, brown eyes litany

Don't you know that with your silence, you're breaking a heart into pieces?

When you forget me
When you don't remember my name
Not even a memory
Somewhere at the back of your brain
-Falling Stars (David Archuleta)

Imagine if you're experiencing heartbreak, and you did not even know it at the time? Such was my state during the Junior-Senior prom held last February 1st, 2010 at the Sofitel Hotel somewhere in Roxas Boulevard. I don't really care for exact locations; I'm only after the ambiance and the memories built at the place. A week before the prom, my then flame made me think, albeit unknowingly, that he's starting to fall in love with me, and realized that I'm the one he's actually been looking for all along. I thought he finally saw the error of his ways, and that I've grown to be an important part of his life. I was dead wrong. Anyway, the damage was done. I attended the prom, thinking my chance has finally arrived and I was being rewarded for the countless of times I cried for that as*hole, and that he'd ask to be my last dance.

I was wrong on that count too. You see, since we're juniors and it's the first time we'd get to experience "the night to remember", the first dance would relatively be the important dance of the whole night. I was actually the one who pointed out that fact to everybody who would listen (God knows I'm the most excited one in our class about the upcoming prom) and that my aim would really be on the first dance. But then, as prom got nearer and nearer, I started thinking I'd want him to be my last dance. Don't ask me why, but I got this feeling that he'd choose me to be his last dance. I even included it in my list of miracles (second to the miracle of my mom ever allowing me to use contacts for prom night, which she eventually did after much probing), thinking God would be kind enough to grant it.

And so, prom night. Here we go. I arrived early, what with my parents getting paranoid about the time and having my make-up done earlier than expected. The sun was still up when my mom and I finally drove to the hotel. I was an early bird, but apparently there are others who were there earlier than I was. I was all dressed up, and I started looking for him already, thinking I was beautiful and everything (how messed up can I get). Let's start by marking my firsts during that night. The first girl I saw upon entering the foyer was Karen (she was wearing a brindled green and brown gown. The first close friend I saw was Dawn. Boy, was I shocked to see Dawn. She transformed into this totally unrecognizable person, mostly triggered by the make-up she was sporting. And... the first guy I saw was.... this guy. Yeah. This is where the "Enchanted" starts, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

With the first guy I saw (guy that I actually knew), I actually pretty much ignored him. He was just there, leaning on the banister right beside us, all alone, and I was too busy fussing over Dawn and keeping an eye out for that then-special someone. I didn't even say hi to him, despite of the fact that we kinda know each other even before. Pass forward to the events of the night, after program wherein the cotillion sashayed on the dance floor and the key of responsibility was passed from president to vice president, followed the dinner and the announcement of the Prom Royalties together with a bunch of special awards. Then, the dance floor was finally opened. To make things brief, once the first music blasted from the speakers, he got his heart broken. At first, I complained and all because they didn't have any right to ruin his night.

But deep inside, I was secretly hoping he would turn to me and would choose me instead. And then it was my turn to get heart broken when the girl he likes gave him a chance to dance with her so that she would be his first dance. First dance was really the most important that night as everyone was so eager to grab their significant others for it. It became a mania. So what did I do? I freaking cried. God, it was so horrible. You should've seen me. I'm a mess. I mean, I had contacts on and everything and weren't people wearing contacts prohibited to cry their eyes out? And I did. My make-up was ruined and all of me was annihilated as well. It couldn't have been any worse. When it finally dawned on me that if I continued crying like a baby at the corner, no guy would really approach me and ask me to dance.

Nobody likes crybabies. So I wiped the tears and sniffed out the snot, until finally, I was at least presentable to both genders. I settled for a friend of mine, Jay, to become my first dance. It was a disaster. I had no energy left at all to even move my arms so I pretty much looked like a dancing zombie/mummy at the dance floor. So in the end, Jay gave up on me and I was once again deposited to the table. I couldn't bear loneliness so I just the others as well, who were, btw, going wild already at the corner of the square. My best friend and daughter (she's my classmate but I call her my daughter) devised a plot and asked him to dance with me. He agreed, only then realizing that he managed to hurt someone also (he's so dense, I truly hate him for that) and he tried to sap out a reaction from me when we were already dancing. When he asked me to dance, it was really sweet because I was dancing with somebody and he like, barged in and told my dance partner "Hey, can I have her first?". Okay, you can squeal now.

Shucks. It's midnight. I need to get off the computer. My mom's gonna kill me.

Got to go. I'll just continue tomorrow.

Labels: blog post, brown eyes litany