Finally I'm free of high school. It still hasn't sunk yet but I'm pretty sure it will. Someday soon. I feel fine and sadly, I'm still contemplating on deactivating my current Facebook account. There's really no ill feelings there but somehow being constantly reminded of the painful memories can be quite too much. And there's really no way to delete him from my friend list. I've made that mistake once and I'm never going to do it again. I just feel that right now, the best way to totally unchain myself from my love for him and all our melodramatic memories would be to put some distance between us. And I feel that it would do us both good if I gave him the space that he wanted for a long time.

Of course my feelings are nowhere near gone but I'm working on it. I just can't wait for the time when he won't anymore occupy every single space in my brain and memory. Well it doesn't help that for the duration of the day all my parents ever talked about was the stunt his parents pulled during the awarding of exemplary students for academics. I have to be forced to talk about him then. Now tell me who's supposed to move on. But oh well. 

The graduation itself was no big deal. Unfortunately, I didn't feel moved by it one bit but I do appreciate the ambiance that they managed to imbibe in an otherwise perfectly indifferent gymnasium and make it look like a detached replica of what might have been done to a decorated PICC. And aside from the barely filled venue (there were bleachers everywhere and it was really impossible to fill it all up with people since our batch's population is kinda lacking), the atmosphere during the ceremony was able to capture that sense of solemnity and formality. Oh yeah, and the students managed to shut their traps up and behave accordingly during the event. 

My mom did my make-up and really, I had my own misgivings about that since well, its my MOM doing the make-up. She's like, from a completely different time dimension and I'm not sure if she's really good at mixing colors. So I just threw caution to the winds and let her do it. To be honest, the make-up got that toned down look that portrays no make-up at all that was, pretty much what I asked of the numerous make-up artists that handled my face during the two times that I had prom. But with all the lights and banter during the graduation, I looked like I had no color at all at the screen. And the face oil, for goodness sake. Not to mention the fuss that I was when my name was called for a special award. Now really?

Because you see I came to the graduation thinking that all I really get to take home would be my diploma. I was focused on that thought and to be honest, quite nostalgic since during my elementary graduation, I got all these awards and medals. It was rather sad because I was used to that and to be just an ordinary graduate like my batch mates was four years ago is unfamiliar territory to me. And yet I managed and during the awarding, I actually didn't feel any envy or ill will. I was truly happy for the awardees and their parents. And just like that, the surprise fell out from the sky. After giving out the medals for the conduct students and academic royalty, the special awardees were announced. Now Mr. Emmanuel Batulan, the school secretary already informed us that there WILL be special awardees and its supposed to be a surprise but I didn't have an inkling that I would be in that list.

You see it was these awards given for students who got top scores for the past CEM examination. But that's like, nothing; just something that the students are obliged to get to diagnose their efficiency in the different subjects offered by the school and deduce if they are up to notch. You do not acknowledge who got top scores. But apparently, they decided to give awards for these students. And by jove, I got one. For Filipino. Now that's surprising. As luck would have it, I was the first person to be called so I had to stand and get my medal. Only I didn't know that I have to get a medal and I ended up standing there at the sidelines like an idiot and glancing every which way rapidly. And my face was FLASHED ON THE SCREEN. REALLY NOW? Oh I looked hideous and I was slouching. The horror. But I guess it's God's way to remind me that he hasn't completely forgotten about me.

Although it was such a pain standing for hours in high heels. Or maybe its just my shoes, I don't know. By the time we got out of the UST Pavilion, my feet were literally on fire. It was that painful. I'm never going to wear closed shoes again. Especially pointed ones. Never. Even if they look good. Okay, maybe yes, but not often.



After singing the batch song which is "Time of My Life" by David Cook (which mind you, nobody bothered to memorize and gah, we were all mumbling by the second stanza of the song and spurting out made up lyrics), everybody proceeded to hug and cry in one big mass that there was barely room to move about. It was kinda irritating for my part since I would call out my classmates name, even those I'm not practically close to and they'd you know kinda ignore me because someone would reach them first and hug them. And I'm always freaking wrong timing.  I would go near them but then they'd be talking to someone else or preoccupied and I'd end up being ignored. Humiliating. Anyway, I'm just glad that I'm finally leaving all these things behind.

Especially this person, who I've loved, and was never mine. I have so many things I want to tell him. But I guess now's not the time, nor maybe ever. Because I'm leaving him behind and everything he ever was to me. I know I can write so many words about him and what I feel but it would all be pointless. Instead I'm saying these for him, thank you for showing me what love is and for giving me many opportunities to learn and grow as a person. You hurt me, from the bottom of my heart and right till the very end. And good bye, because I'm now going to forget you and everything that connects me to you. Be all right, okay? Find that love and be happy.

Finally I'm free of high school. It still hasn't sunk yet but I'm pretty sure it will. Someday soon. I feel fine and sadly, I'm still contemplating on deactivating my current Facebook account. There's really no ill feelings there but somehow being constantly reminded of the painful memories can be quite too much. And there's really no way to delete him from my friend list. I've made that mistake once and I'm never going to do it again. I just feel that right now, the best way to totally unchain myself from my love for him and all our melodramatic memories would be to put some distance between us. And I feel that it would do us both good if I gave him the space that he wanted for a long time.

Of course my feelings are nowhere near gone but I'm working on it. I just can't wait for the time when he won't anymore occupy every single space in my brain and memory. Well it doesn't help that for the duration of the day all my parents ever talked about was the stunt his parents pulled during the awarding of exemplary students for academics. I have to be forced to talk about him then. Now tell me who's supposed to move on. But oh well. 

The graduation itself was no big deal. Unfortunately, I didn't feel moved by it one bit but I do appreciate the ambiance that they managed to imbibe in an otherwise perfectly indifferent gymnasium and make it look like a detached replica of what might have been done to a decorated PICC. And aside from the barely filled venue (there were bleachers everywhere and it was really impossible to fill it all up with people since our batch's population is kinda lacking), the atmosphere during the ceremony was able to capture that sense of solemnity and formality. Oh yeah, and the students managed to shut their traps up and behave accordingly during the event. 

My mom did my make-up and really, I had my own misgivings about that since well, its my MOM doing the make-up. She's like, from a completely different time dimension and I'm not sure if she's really good at mixing colors. So I just threw caution to the winds and let her do it. To be honest, the make-up got that toned down look that portrays no make-up at all that was, pretty much what I asked of the numerous make-up artists that handled my face during the two times that I had prom. But with all the lights and banter during the graduation, I looked like I had no color at all at the screen. And the face oil, for goodness sake. Not to mention the fuss that I was when my name was called for a special award. Now really?

Because you see I came to the graduation thinking that all I really get to take home would be my diploma. I was focused on that thought and to be honest, quite nostalgic since during my elementary graduation, I got all these awards and medals. It was rather sad because I was used to that and to be just an ordinary graduate like my batch mates was four years ago is unfamiliar territory to me. And yet I managed and during the awarding, I actually didn't feel any envy or ill will. I was truly happy for the awardees and their parents. And just like that, the surprise fell out from the sky. After giving out the medals for the conduct students and academic royalty, the special awardees were announced. Now Mr. Emmanuel Batulan, the school secretary already informed us that there WILL be special awardees and its supposed to be a surprise but I didn't have an inkling that I would be in that list.

You see it was these awards given for students who got top scores for the past CEM examination. But that's like, nothing; just something that the students are obliged to get to diagnose their efficiency in the different subjects offered by the school and deduce if they are up to notch. You do not acknowledge who got top scores. But apparently, they decided to give awards for these students. And by jove, I got one. For Filipino. Now that's surprising. As luck would have it, I was the first person to be called so I had to stand and get my medal. Only I didn't know that I have to get a medal and I ended up standing there at the sidelines like an idiot and glancing every which way rapidly. And my face was FLASHED ON THE SCREEN. REALLY NOW? Oh I looked hideous and I was slouching. The horror. But I guess it's God's way to remind me that he hasn't completely forgotten about me.

Although it was such a pain standing for hours in high heels. Or maybe its just my shoes, I don't know. By the time we got out of the UST Pavilion, my feet were literally on fire. It was that painful. I'm never going to wear closed shoes again. Especially pointed ones. Never. Even if they look good. Okay, maybe yes, but not often.



After singing the batch song which is "Time of My Life" by David Cook (which mind you, nobody bothered to memorize and gah, we were all mumbling by the second stanza of the song and spurting out made up lyrics), everybody proceeded to hug and cry in one big mass that there was barely room to move about. It was kinda irritating for my part since I would call out my classmates name, even those I'm not practically close to and they'd you know kinda ignore me because someone would reach them first and hug them. And I'm always freaking wrong timing.  I would go near them but then they'd be talking to someone else or preoccupied and I'd end up being ignored. Humiliating. Anyway, I'm just glad that I'm finally leaving all these things behind.

Especially this person, who I've loved, and was never mine. I have so many things I want to tell him. But I guess now's not the time, nor maybe ever. Because I'm leaving him behind and everything he ever was to me. I know I can write so many words about him and what I feel but it would all be pointless. Instead I'm saying these for him, thank you for showing me what love is and for giving me many opportunities to learn and grow as a person. You hurt me, from the bottom of my heart and right till the very end. And good bye, because I'm now going to forget you and everything that connects me to you. Be all right, okay? Find that love and be happy.