I feel like shit now so naturally, I'll find a place to rant once again. Ironic is it that I'm feeling like this because of the same thing that made brought me pain, failure, and disappointment only last summer. Once again, they managed to make me feel like this again. Haven't they had enough last time? Does the tears and sleepless nights I've spent not enough punishment? And isn't it a little bit unfair that other people don't even try and they get the parts that they want? And believe me, I've hoped and wished and believed, and yet that just doesn't seem enough for everybody. I don't know if they just misunderstand or something, but at times, it can really insult and hurt somebody without them ever knowing it. Funny, you know last year's summer, I was going through the same thing as now, same reasons, same heartaches (because of those heartless literary-inclined people) and same disappointments.

Not to mention same blog to let my emotions explode. Only difference would be shedding tears. I've had enough of that. Plus, I'm no longer affiliated with them anyway. I cut the line, and I really think so now that I've done what's right. During the last day of our club meeting, I had second thoughts of quitting even after I've already informed my club adviser that I'm done with the club. I'm supposed to be given a position for next school year (OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THEY FINALLY GAVE ME WHAT I SO PAINFULLY ASKED OF THEM A YEAR BEFORE AND INADVERTENTLY DENIED ME) as something rather than the nothing they gave me last year. I'm supposed to be happy right? Because finally, I'm worthy enough to be given a position in that damn paper.

But I've had enough. I was brave enough to face that something was wrong with the organization rooting into something the members don't see at all. I want to change but I think I'm not the person to get in the mess. Plus, people change and you don't always have the opportunity to something after the first time it comes. All I'm saying is, no matter what happens in my extra curricular next year, I'm fine with it. I won't have any regrets. Whether or not I get the position I applied for in another club, I'm going to be fine. After all, high school doesn't measure the true worth of a person. There would be many opportunities to come, more people to meet; people that would mean all the world and not all of it, people to love, who will understand... And this could serve as a learning experience. Not something I will eventually regret.

I mean, would you still stick up for something you've loved and yet turned its back on you the first time? And at a second time, after you've given another chance, turned its behind on you once again? Isn't that too much? And I'm not even having a great time with them. I feel like everything is a scam with them, and they're all bitchy plastics that tell you you're great and you write really well, when in fact, they pressure you to do things that you're having a hard time doing and tell you can actually achieve big things and yet deprive you of those things for their own folly. I love writing. Even if I don't write in diaries anymore (Because I don't keep with it when the busy days come and I just end up neglecting it and making me feel bad about it. Let's just forget the Princess Diaries fantasy.) I'm still finding time to write in this blogosphere and updating my life traces once in a while.

After all, its easier to type than to write, though when you do take the time to use a pen, it improves your penmanship much better. God, I miss writing the traditional way. The summer ahead is pretty long, so maybe I'd find some time to write then. Hah! And start the umpteenth diary of the century. Kay, back to the topic at hand.

But when I write for them, I lose all the inspiration and the magic writing is supposed to have for me. Maybe I'm just not meant for news correspondence type of topics? But, come on, its the school newspaper. There's a reason why the call it a NEWSpaper. Geddit? Hmm... but if they started a school blog online or something like Gossip Girl, maybe I can once again work for them and be their resident opinion editor, if such a position existed. Now that would totally be epic. I won't have a hard time at all. You know, when you do something you truly love, don't you feel that it really has to come from your heart? That you're really not forced to do this but you love every aspect of it that even if it gets tough, you'll find something to hold on to? I want that, but it's just not present this time. I hope you guys understand my point. :)

I feel like shit now so naturally, I'll find a place to rant once again. Ironic is it that I'm feeling like this because of the same thing that made brought me pain, failure, and disappointment only last summer. Once again, they managed to make me feel like this again. Haven't they had enough last time? Does the tears and sleepless nights I've spent not enough punishment? And isn't it a little bit unfair that other people don't even try and they get the parts that they want? And believe me, I've hoped and wished and believed, and yet that just doesn't seem enough for everybody. I don't know if they just misunderstand or something, but at times, it can really insult and hurt somebody without them ever knowing it. Funny, you know last year's summer, I was going through the same thing as now, same reasons, same heartaches (because of those heartless literary-inclined people) and same disappointments.

Not to mention same blog to let my emotions explode. Only difference would be shedding tears. I've had enough of that. Plus, I'm no longer affiliated with them anyway. I cut the line, and I really think so now that I've done what's right. During the last day of our club meeting, I had second thoughts of quitting even after I've already informed my club adviser that I'm done with the club. I'm supposed to be given a position for next school year (OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THEY FINALLY GAVE ME WHAT I SO PAINFULLY ASKED OF THEM A YEAR BEFORE AND INADVERTENTLY DENIED ME) as something rather than the nothing they gave me last year. I'm supposed to be happy right? Because finally, I'm worthy enough to be given a position in that damn paper.

But I've had enough. I was brave enough to face that something was wrong with the organization rooting into something the members don't see at all. I want to change but I think I'm not the person to get in the mess. Plus, people change and you don't always have the opportunity to something after the first time it comes. All I'm saying is, no matter what happens in my extra curricular next year, I'm fine with it. I won't have any regrets. Whether or not I get the position I applied for in another club, I'm going to be fine. After all, high school doesn't measure the true worth of a person. There would be many opportunities to come, more people to meet; people that would mean all the world and not all of it, people to love, who will understand... And this could serve as a learning experience. Not something I will eventually regret.

I mean, would you still stick up for something you've loved and yet turned its back on you the first time? And at a second time, after you've given another chance, turned its behind on you once again? Isn't that too much? And I'm not even having a great time with them. I feel like everything is a scam with them, and they're all bitchy plastics that tell you you're great and you write really well, when in fact, they pressure you to do things that you're having a hard time doing and tell you can actually achieve big things and yet deprive you of those things for their own folly. I love writing. Even if I don't write in diaries anymore (Because I don't keep with it when the busy days come and I just end up neglecting it and making me feel bad about it. Let's just forget the Princess Diaries fantasy.) I'm still finding time to write in this blogosphere and updating my life traces once in a while.

After all, its easier to type than to write, though when you do take the time to use a pen, it improves your penmanship much better. God, I miss writing the traditional way. The summer ahead is pretty long, so maybe I'd find some time to write then. Hah! And start the umpteenth diary of the century. Kay, back to the topic at hand.

But when I write for them, I lose all the inspiration and the magic writing is supposed to have for me. Maybe I'm just not meant for news correspondence type of topics? But, come on, its the school newspaper. There's a reason why the call it a NEWSpaper. Geddit? Hmm... but if they started a school blog online or something like Gossip Girl, maybe I can once again work for them and be their resident opinion editor, if such a position existed. Now that would totally be epic. I won't have a hard time at all. You know, when you do something you truly love, don't you feel that it really has to come from your heart? That you're really not forced to do this but you love every aspect of it that even if it gets tough, you'll find something to hold on to? I want that, but it's just not present this time. I hope you guys understand my point. :)