On Top of My Head
Saturday, July 9, 20111:48 PM
We have bulletin board making today, but I guess I'm not going. It's late anyway. And I'm not in the mood. I don't even know what to do here in the house. I'm just stuck. Stuck in Twilight Zone. Wherever that is. I feel, once again, like everything is slipping out of my fingers. Much like sand.
Now dear readers, if there are some, I don't mean to be a whine here. I don't. But I found that I have no one I can spill my heart to for hours, without tiring them, or getting irritated by my helplessness. Because it my fifteen years of living in this world, nobody really wants to be bothered by other people's problems. We're too caught with our own to even care. And to add to that, nobody wants somebody bemoaning all their dilemmas 24/7.
But if only to escape my own problems and part from it once, I take all the time in the world to listen to others open up about themselves. I want to know what is happening in their lives. If something's bothering them. And I would gladly give them the advice and reassurance they need. I would've done those. And I'm hoping up to now that someone can extend the same to me.
Have you heard Chris Brown and Justin Beiber's collaboration? The song Right Next to You? I want somebody like that. And in some ways, even if my prayers aren't being answered now, I'd still continue to pray for someone like that. Someone who would never tire of hearing my voice and someone who would let me lean on him. I feel like I've gone on a league 50 miles under sea. I have nothing to look forward to during the day, so hours just drag on for me. I have no consolation. Do you have any idea how that feels?
When they rid you of the last piece of self confidence you still have left in your system, your whole world tends to fall apart. And they have no idea. They don't know how life would've been so much better and smooth sailing if everybody knows the impact and the effect they have on other people's lives. If you've read Jay Asher's novel, 13 Reasons Why, you'd feel for Hannah Baker as she said these words: (and my words as well for those people who pushed and continues on pushing me to my limit)
Hannah Baker: I know you didn't mean to let me down. In fact, most of you listening probably had no idea what you were doing-what you were truly doing.
It isn't what you did. It's about the repercussions of what you did to me. It's about those things that you didn't plan-that you couldn't plan.
So for those who're planning on making a decision or doing actions that involve not only yourself, think about it first. You don't know how your actions can affect the life of the other person. For better, or for worse.
Labels: 13reasonswhy, barely holding on, hard week, i need help
