There's so many things I want you to know. Things that I want you to feel. There's so many times that I just want to walk up to you and tell you how much you mean to me. How much you've guided me without knowing it and how many times I wanted to tell you how I grateful I am for the light that you've been in the path that I want to take. To me, you've been within every goal, every thought... And it pains me that there is no reassurance at all that once I'm done, you'll be there in the finish line to smile to me and tell what a good job I've done. Up to now, I know nothing at all about you, and yet I keep wishing to God that you'll hear what my mind and my heart has been shouting so hard. That my hopes, my dreams, my ideals... I want you to take them. To accept them.

I wish to be a writer. I've always imagined writing a novel, sending it to a publisher and being acknowledged for my work. I've dreamed of graduating med school with the highest honors I could possibly get. I can imagine myself wearing a lab coat, being consulted by residents, rushing to emergencies... I can imagine having an office, living in an apartment. I can't count the times that I've thought in my mind how happy I would be then. And so, I can work with you... I'll be your junior and you'll be my senior. We'll know each other and we could be good friends. I'll hide all the feelings I've felt for you, just for the sake of communicating with you, because I am scared everything would be awkward if you knew.

And then, come what may, I'm hoping that you'd notice my presence then. You don't know how hard it is to do so. You don't know how hard waiting for that time come, without knowing at all if my dream would ever come true. It's like walking in a blindfold toward a path that may be full of thorns and broken shards of glass. I have to make my way with just my hands. I'm scared. All I know is that the fact that you give me the reason to be something, to continue on my way and cast all my hopes and frustrations just to be able to be someone worthy of reaching you... I know I'm talking in fragments already... but as I get deeper and deeper, I find it harder to express what my heart wishes to say. With such capacity, I don't know my heart's limit but no matter what, this great wish I have to be fulfilled was somehow brought by you. I'm grateful.

Thank you for making it real for me. For believing in reality, no matter how obscure and disgusting everything seems to be. How chaotic and problematic real life may be, believing in you opens up a different world; a different circumstance where I can live safe and sound. Peaceful at all cost.

So even if I'm not the one who can make everything real for you, just know that I owe a lot to you.

~eikouliy.blogspot.com

There's so many things I want you to know. Things that I want you to feel. There's so many times that I just want to walk up to you and tell you how much you mean to me. How much you've guided me without knowing it and how many times I wanted to tell you how I grateful I am for the light that you've been in the path that I want to take. To me, you've been within every goal, every thought... And it pains me that there is no reassurance at all that once I'm done, you'll be there in the finish line to smile to me and tell what a good job I've done. Up to now, I know nothing at all about you, and yet I keep wishing to God that you'll hear what my mind and my heart has been shouting so hard. That my hopes, my dreams, my ideals... I want you to take them. To accept them.

I wish to be a writer. I've always imagined writing a novel, sending it to a publisher and being acknowledged for my work. I've dreamed of graduating med school with the highest honors I could possibly get. I can imagine myself wearing a lab coat, being consulted by residents, rushing to emergencies... I can imagine having an office, living in an apartment. I can't count the times that I've thought in my mind how happy I would be then. And so, I can work with you... I'll be your junior and you'll be my senior. We'll know each other and we could be good friends. I'll hide all the feelings I've felt for you, just for the sake of communicating with you, because I am scared everything would be awkward if you knew.

And then, come what may, I'm hoping that you'd notice my presence then. You don't know how hard it is to do so. You don't know how hard waiting for that time come, without knowing at all if my dream would ever come true. It's like walking in a blindfold toward a path that may be full of thorns and broken shards of glass. I have to make my way with just my hands. I'm scared. All I know is that the fact that you give me the reason to be something, to continue on my way and cast all my hopes and frustrations just to be able to be someone worthy of reaching you... I know I'm talking in fragments already... but as I get deeper and deeper, I find it harder to express what my heart wishes to say. With such capacity, I don't know my heart's limit but no matter what, this great wish I have to be fulfilled was somehow brought by you. I'm grateful.

Thank you for making it real for me. For believing in reality, no matter how obscure and disgusting everything seems to be. How chaotic and problematic real life may be, believing in you opens up a different world; a different circumstance where I can live safe and sound. Peaceful at all cost.

So even if I'm not the one who can make everything real for you, just know that I owe a lot to you.

~eikouliy.blogspot.com