Only Girl
Sunday, November 28, 20105:03 PM
Oh my gosh. It's been months since I pitched in a post here. I so miss this blog. And of course, it has something to do with my impatience with this blogs general layout. I'm getting tired of it. I do promise that as soon as I'm free of all school related duties, I'm certainly going to launch an all out attack with my blogs template. It actually sucks already and I'm not really satisfied with it anymore. It's all old and so yesterday. In that way, there must be a double celebration for together with my blog renovation, there would be a self reevaluation at the same time. I've been out of sorts lately, and I'm so getting tired of it all. Everything, starting from the pent up frustrations I've been keeping locked up, the stabbing pain I feel every time it comes to my attention that nothing is going right for me, and the fact that I'm missing out on everything I should be experiencing right now. My internal struggle is stealing all my "feliz" and making me waste every moment that I have left with my best friend. Things shouldn't be this way. My Teenage Dream shouldn't be in the dumps like this.
What brought me to this decision? Simple, a change of heart, a burst of frustration that is finally tugging at my hear strings telling me that if I don't myself together and do nothing about it, change would really take it's time to come to me. Nothing would happen if I just mope and continue to do nothing about it. I've been feeling like a waste of space lately, and I still do, you know but I'm trying to stand up again. I don't want to be like this. It's rather scary because I see everyone I know, having the time of their life, not letting anything bother them, like everything's right, nothing's wrong and life is what it's used to be for them. I want to feel that too. Do good at everything; maybe not the best, but certainly good enough. Just enough to make my life smooth sailing. Having evening car trips around the city, staring at the Christmas lights starting to pop out of every building as the Yuletide season comes. Listen to music that I can sway to; appreciate my life, be grateful for all the good things and smile at the sweet euphoria I'm feeling.
I want to think of someone so fondly, like being in love for the first time all over again. Like a schoolgirl that can't believe her luck. Like someone I like just told me he loves me. Like life couldn't get any better than this. Like I'm leaving for Singapore or New York tomorrow aboard a jet plane. Like I could let go of all my troubles. Like I'm already graduating from college, either swearing my medical oath or writing the next epic book to affect every people from all over the world. Like being on a date (though I've never been on one before) or dancing with someone in prom. Like chasing the waves on a beach, sleeping in a cottage near the seashore. Like sleeping in a bus when dusk set in and subconsciously listening to "What About Now" being played on the radio. Like having a mountain hike as the sun sets on the horizon. Like I'm about to sleep inside a tent and my body getting heavy from exhaustion. Like staying up all night because of an adventure trip the next morning and I'm too excited to even sleep a wink.
Like swaying to a song being sang in a concert. Like watching fireworks in the football field at school, under the stars, as the students celebrated the coming of the new year. Like my wildest dreams coming true. Like the person I've unconsciously loved through these years has finally paid attention to me. Like God decided to be my fairy godmother and decided that I deserve to have all my wishes come true. Like I'd actually be purely happy for a change that it would start to feel criminal, though I'll never regret because I know I deserve to feel all that. Like sitting with him under the blackness of the night, with the stars twinkling, in a beach paddock and our feet dangling over the water. The waves would splash gently on the wooden post and I'd rest my head on his shoulders as if it actually belonged there. That it was meant to be from the start. That that was where I truly belonged. That is was not all wishful thinking. That someone as simple an ordinary as me could also have a miniature get of what happy ending are supposed to be.
That for once I wouldn't have to worry about myself not being able to pull through because I know someone would already be there to do that for me. Someone who would treasure me like I'm the most priceless dime. Someone who'd write me poems and who actually meant it. Someone who would be shy and embarrassed when I'm there but would really about being around me. Someone who would get close to blushing when he's being teased about me and who would start to deny it even if it was already so obvious from the way he's acting. Someone who think me pretty even if I'm just an ordinary girl, with ordinary facial features; nothing to flashy or overwhelming like supermodels usually look like. Someone who would tell me that he actually waited for me to come to his life and that he's been stumbling around for a long time now. Someone who would tell me that I'm the most wonderful thing in the world and who would hold my hand just to show that he really cares. Someone who wipe my tears and would really get concerned when I didn't stop crying. Someone who would hug me when I'm having my petty problems and tell me everything would eventually be all right. Someone who would tell me that he really can't take the prospect of losing me.
Someone who is so incredibly wonderful and adorable, and wouldn't get embarrassed by me and instead brag to everyone that he couldn't find anybody that meshes well with him better than me. That I'm his and that he really wouldn't trade me for Megan Fox or Emma Watson (though of course, if I were him, I'd choose Emma Watson over me :) no matter how attractive they are .(he wouldn't even call them hot because he's afraid that I might think he's after hot girls and I'm obviously NOT hot LOL) Someone who would consent to watching chick flicks with me, or maybe cartoons and put his arms around me when I started bawling and started reaching for a tissue to wipe my tears. (I do cry a lot in movies, even the ones that doesn't really need the water works. Weird me.) And when I'm done crying and is starting to concentrate on the movie again, he'd laugh hysterically and tell me how adorable I am for crying over such petty things. And after I kicked him in knees for laughing at me, he'd repent and kiss my forehead to alleviate my impatience. He doesn't have to be handsome, but as long as I love him, I'd be perfectly content.
So, what to do then? That would be simple. I'm going to start with small baby steps. Starting now. First, I'll pull myself together. No point in killing my self esteem more by thinking that it's the end for me. There are still brighter prospects for my future and it's really up to me to make all that's written above to happen. I'd start now by making the script I'm supposed to be doing for my group's reenactment of Noli Me Tangere. When I finally finished that, I'm going start on my History home work and study Chemistry. When all that's out of the way, I'm going to continue my life, working to fix the broken pieces and tape up all the regrets. I'd make a way to that. After I'm done, I'm going to start letting go of the impossible... for the moment. The things that are not going to happen in a million years while I'm still in High School. The things that are so out of my reach and would probably never be mine no matter how hard I tried to achieve it. I'd make the best of what I have. Try to do good things instead. I refuse to believe that everybody's given up on me. That HE's given up on me. Even if I give up on myself, HE won't give up on me because HE loves me no matter how you turn me inside out. HE just does.
I'd strive hard until my time is up in High School and it'd be time to think of the things that would actually affect who I'll be in the future. The things that will really matter. Then when it's all said and done, maybe what I've been looking for, and everything I've been wishing for (read paragraph 3 to paragraph 6 to know what I mean) would finally come to me and HE'd give me my dreams as a reward for lasting out longer than HE'd expected. So yeah, I won't give up then. No matter how many factors get me down, how many depressing moments let me down, and no matter how many tears I cried, I won't stop going until I reach my happy place. His promised land for me. The place where I'd really fit in. With the person that I'd really mesh with so much and to a place and a person that I'd really be the only girl in the world.
What brought me to this decision? Simple, a change of heart, a burst of frustration that is finally tugging at my hear strings telling me that if I don't myself together and do nothing about it, change would really take it's time to come to me. Nothing would happen if I just mope and continue to do nothing about it. I've been feeling like a waste of space lately, and I still do, you know but I'm trying to stand up again. I don't want to be like this. It's rather scary because I see everyone I know, having the time of their life, not letting anything bother them, like everything's right, nothing's wrong and life is what it's used to be for them. I want to feel that too. Do good at everything; maybe not the best, but certainly good enough. Just enough to make my life smooth sailing. Having evening car trips around the city, staring at the Christmas lights starting to pop out of every building as the Yuletide season comes. Listen to music that I can sway to; appreciate my life, be grateful for all the good things and smile at the sweet euphoria I'm feeling.
I want to think of someone so fondly, like being in love for the first time all over again. Like a schoolgirl that can't believe her luck. Like someone I like just told me he loves me. Like life couldn't get any better than this. Like I'm leaving for Singapore or New York tomorrow aboard a jet plane. Like I could let go of all my troubles. Like I'm already graduating from college, either swearing my medical oath or writing the next epic book to affect every people from all over the world. Like being on a date (though I've never been on one before) or dancing with someone in prom. Like chasing the waves on a beach, sleeping in a cottage near the seashore. Like sleeping in a bus when dusk set in and subconsciously listening to "What About Now" being played on the radio. Like having a mountain hike as the sun sets on the horizon. Like I'm about to sleep inside a tent and my body getting heavy from exhaustion. Like staying up all night because of an adventure trip the next morning and I'm too excited to even sleep a wink.
Like swaying to a song being sang in a concert. Like watching fireworks in the football field at school, under the stars, as the students celebrated the coming of the new year. Like my wildest dreams coming true. Like the person I've unconsciously loved through these years has finally paid attention to me. Like God decided to be my fairy godmother and decided that I deserve to have all my wishes come true. Like I'd actually be purely happy for a change that it would start to feel criminal, though I'll never regret because I know I deserve to feel all that. Like sitting with him under the blackness of the night, with the stars twinkling, in a beach paddock and our feet dangling over the water. The waves would splash gently on the wooden post and I'd rest my head on his shoulders as if it actually belonged there. That it was meant to be from the start. That that was where I truly belonged. That is was not all wishful thinking. That someone as simple an ordinary as me could also have a miniature get of what happy ending are supposed to be.
That for once I wouldn't have to worry about myself not being able to pull through because I know someone would already be there to do that for me. Someone who would treasure me like I'm the most priceless dime. Someone who'd write me poems and who actually meant it. Someone who would be shy and embarrassed when I'm there but would really about being around me. Someone who would get close to blushing when he's being teased about me and who would start to deny it even if it was already so obvious from the way he's acting. Someone who think me pretty even if I'm just an ordinary girl, with ordinary facial features; nothing to flashy or overwhelming like supermodels usually look like. Someone who would tell me that he actually waited for me to come to his life and that he's been stumbling around for a long time now. Someone who would tell me that I'm the most wonderful thing in the world and who would hold my hand just to show that he really cares. Someone who wipe my tears and would really get concerned when I didn't stop crying. Someone who would hug me when I'm having my petty problems and tell me everything would eventually be all right. Someone who would tell me that he really can't take the prospect of losing me.
Someone who is so incredibly wonderful and adorable, and wouldn't get embarrassed by me and instead brag to everyone that he couldn't find anybody that meshes well with him better than me. That I'm his and that he really wouldn't trade me for Megan Fox or Emma Watson (though of course, if I were him, I'd choose Emma Watson over me :) no matter how attractive they are .(he wouldn't even call them hot because he's afraid that I might think he's after hot girls and I'm obviously NOT hot LOL) Someone who would consent to watching chick flicks with me, or maybe cartoons and put his arms around me when I started bawling and started reaching for a tissue to wipe my tears. (I do cry a lot in movies, even the ones that doesn't really need the water works. Weird me.) And when I'm done crying and is starting to concentrate on the movie again, he'd laugh hysterically and tell me how adorable I am for crying over such petty things. And after I kicked him in knees for laughing at me, he'd repent and kiss my forehead to alleviate my impatience. He doesn't have to be handsome, but as long as I love him, I'd be perfectly content.
So, what to do then? That would be simple. I'm going to start with small baby steps. Starting now. First, I'll pull myself together. No point in killing my self esteem more by thinking that it's the end for me. There are still brighter prospects for my future and it's really up to me to make all that's written above to happen. I'd start now by making the script I'm supposed to be doing for my group's reenactment of Noli Me Tangere. When I finally finished that, I'm going start on my History home work and study Chemistry. When all that's out of the way, I'm going to continue my life, working to fix the broken pieces and tape up all the regrets. I'd make a way to that. After I'm done, I'm going to start letting go of the impossible... for the moment. The things that are not going to happen in a million years while I'm still in High School. The things that are so out of my reach and would probably never be mine no matter how hard I tried to achieve it. I'd make the best of what I have. Try to do good things instead. I refuse to believe that everybody's given up on me. That HE's given up on me. Even if I give up on myself, HE won't give up on me because HE loves me no matter how you turn me inside out. HE just does.
I'd strive hard until my time is up in High School and it'd be time to think of the things that would actually affect who I'll be in the future. The things that will really matter. Then when it's all said and done, maybe what I've been looking for, and everything I've been wishing for (read paragraph 3 to paragraph 6 to know what I mean) would finally come to me and HE'd give me my dreams as a reward for lasting out longer than HE'd expected. So yeah, I won't give up then. No matter how many factors get me down, how many depressing moments let me down, and no matter how many tears I cried, I won't stop going until I reach my happy place. His promised land for me. The place where I'd really fit in. With the person that I'd really mesh with so much and to a place and a person that I'd really be the only girl in the world.
Don't give up
YOU. ARE. LOVED
BLESSIE
P.S
A bunch of very inspiring songs that got me very inspired and fired indeed.
NP:
P.S
A bunch of very inspiring songs that got me very inspired and fired indeed.
NP:
- Only Girl (In the World) - Rihanna
- Fireworks - Katy Perry
- One in a Million - Ne-yo
- The Saltwater Room - Owl City
- You Found Me - Kelly Clarkson
- You are Loved - Josh Groban
Labels: inspiration
